The Nightmare Returns

With a season now under my belt you would think that I would look at the upcoming season with less anxiety. After all, I have completed 5 triathlon's, a few 5k's (actually 15+ if you include the weekly 5k pub run's on Thursday night), and a half marathon. Should be no problems right?

Tuesday night I signed on once again for the Team in Training group to raise money and compete in St. Anthony's Triathlon. If you have read this blog over the last year, you know that this was the site of, what I called, my Epic Failure (and was quickly set upon by blog readers and Daily Milers admonishing me for this label). I got food poisoning at 2 AM the morning of the race, and although I went out and got body marked, and set up my transition, I pulled out before starting.

I will be brutally honest here though. It was almost a relief. I was scared to death of that swim. I didn't feel I was prepared for the race as a whole, and just coming off a bad first triathlon experience at Escape from Fort DeSoto, I was in panic mode, which probably made the stomach and sickness issues worse.

So why sign up again??

I HAVE to beat this fear I have, especially of swimming in Open Ocean.

This was the scene last year:

They ended up shortening and moving the swim due to these conditions, and have actually changed the swim location permanently this year, but when we got to the race site on Saturday morning and saw that water, my heart dropped to my stomach.

It's not the swimming itself. In a pool I do very well, averaging a 30:00-32:00 per mile pace. At Crystal River I was swimming the 1/4 mile leg in under 10:00. It is something about the venues where there are currents and waves that provoke fear in me that I am finding it very hard to work through.

Let me preface this by saying that some of the fear if justified. I had cancer in 1994 that damaged nerves in my throat. At times, my throat will seize up to where I cannot breathe unless I stay calm until it releases. This has happened to me out of the blue many times, and more times than I can remember it has happened in the middle of the night while sleeping. Imagine being jarred awake with your throat closed and unable to catch a breath? Scary right?

This has never happened to me during a swim, training or racing, but the thought of it happening scares the Hell out of me. So it is not physical in the sense that I cannot DO the swim. It's in my head.

How do you cure THAT???

The Creeper

My lack of motivation has a name.

From now on he is known as "The Creeper".

I am not sure why he is a male, but it seems to fit. I was listening, as I am want to do at times, to old southern rock and this song came on by Molly Hatchet ...


He's tall, he's short, he's fat, he's thin.

He's out for vengeance. He's out to win.

The road he walks is dark and dim.

Don't let him catch you out on a limb.

He'll cut your throat, baby,

He'll stick you in the back.

Drive off in your Cadillac.

He's more trouble than you think.

He'll kill you sugar, leave you in the drink.

Say, it's going to be a cold dark night

Oh, when the creeper comes along.

I have felt him creeping up on me lately. It started out slow; a missed run, a skipped bike spin. Then he started showing up at meals, uninvited, putting things on my plate like mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, and ... yes ... cheesecake. 

He made me eat them, saying to me things like "it's ok ... you have a run tonight", but then when it was time for the run He was there again ... but ... Big Bang Theory is on tonight .... and you didn't set the DVR. You CAN'T miss BBT!!!!

I never really knew he was there, until I stepped on the scale and saw the 5 pound weight gain ... 

Bastard!!

The excuses mounted .... 

"I hate working out alone"

"The gym is always too crowded"

"I don't want to risk injuring my foot so I can do the LONG run this weekend"

" The trainer is SOOOO boring"

"It's too dark by the time I get home"

"I have 5 months before the next big race!"

On ... and on ... and on .... 

The Creeper needs to die .... 

Now ... 

Anyone know how to help?

We Train Where You Vacation

Yesterday morning it was 43 degrees outside.

Now, before all you followers and readers from those "other" states north of Gainesville start poo-pooing that temperature as if it is nothing, remember where I am from .... Florida ... the "Sunshine State". Yes, we may have an idiot Governor that gives away a $15 million light rail project that would have created over 2,000 jobs ... and we maybe be in the bottom ten when it comes to education (again, that Gov Scott) ... and we may have the city with the highest unemployment AND under employment rate, and a housing market in the dumps ... but what we do have is sunshine and beaches.

But not yesterday ...

It was COLD out there ... and add to that winds in the 20 mph range ... anyone willing to actually ride a bike in that must be out of their minds.

That's where I come in ...

I am not a cold weather person. Why I refer coolness to heat when I am sleeping, when I am working out I would much rather be sweating and getting sunstroke then freezing my twig and berries off. Much like in the swim, I would prefer the bath tub like temp of the Crystal River Triathlon (87degrees) then the wet suit legal Escape from Fort DeSoto (68 degrees). But I remained a valid member of the HTFU Club (ask me later if you don't know what that means) and put on my long thermals bike pants (with tri shorts under them), my long sleeved Starter shirt, my bike jersey, and my Perl Izumi jacket. I was heading out.

When I started this journey last year I was vehemently against training in the cold. I would take the treadmill over the outside in a second, and even jump on a cycle machine in the gym before thinking about riding in the cold, and a pool swim was ALWAYS preferred.

Something happened in the last year though. I have learned to love the outside training. I cannot imagine picking a treadmill over a run outside, nor do I get anywhere near a cycle machine in the gym. In fact, the only reason for a gym workout now is to use the pool, and that is only because a trip to open water is not an option during the week. I am not a fan of open water (yet) but it is my hope by this time next year I will feel different about that as well.

We are starting to put together races for next year, deciding which triathlon's to do, mixed with a century ride here and there and a few marathons. Swimming still scares the hell out of me. The thought of DeSoto or St. Anthony's is anxiety provoking. Speaking of St. Anthony's (and the idea behind the post title), I was thinking this week about that race. The Team in Training shirts have emblazoned on the back "We Train Where you Vacation". This was very evident during this race. There were TNT teams from all over the country there for that race, including Ohio, Pennsylvania, Chicago, and New York. It hit us that, for many of these people, training looked like this:

Not something I ever want to experience

When we saw them, and the look on their faces when they saw open water, many of them for the first time, it was a bit amusing, but I felt their fear. I grew up here and I was scared. I can't imagine how they felt.